santa claws (liptonteaser) wrote in mummified,
santa claws
liptonteaser
mummified

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1214 n. damen

o man, a buddy of mine reminded me of a song phil and i wrote years ago called 1214 n. damen. I had completely forgot bout this till he asked me what the address meant, and i remembered probably the funniest shit i ever did as an act of revenge!

the story is as such:


some friends and i used to live in a loft in wicker park (gangsta wicker park, not this yuppy wicker park), and threw parties to pay my rent. One day i caught my landlord stealing money from my room and stealing my empty kegs to return for the deposits. he eventually evicted us, and left on vacation cause we knew where he lived. So i decided to trash the place.

I filled my bed room with tons of loaves of bread opened the windows and nailed the door shut, cause right outside my window (on the roof next door) hundreds of pigeons would congregate. My room was turned into a pigeon haven. and it remained this way for a month till the landlord returned from hiding for us. We kicked in the door to sneak in to periodically check on our experiment.

I also filled the air ducts with hundreds of eggrolls (my buddies mom ran a thai resturaunt) and formed them into a pile that would resemble a decaying body. I topped off the eggroll corpse with a skull wearing a hilarious mullet wig. I wonder if they ever found that? Im sure it fucking reeks to high heaven (its been about 6 years)

To top it off i went to the dumpster outside and brought in all the nasty rotting trash and covered the wood floors with it and topped it off with a few gallons of coca cola just to speed the decaying process.

After the landlord got back we were seated next to him and his family at this breakfast place around the corner. It turns out they just got back in town and had been cleaning out my rotting trash pigeon haven for the last 2 days non stop. So me and my friends ordered a plate of bacon to their table and put it on our tab. When the waiter pointed to us and told them we sent them bacon we waved and died laughing.

Saprize bitch! Eggroll Corpse on that AZZ!
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