santa claws (liptonteaser) wrote in mummified,
santa claws

pissing my pants as the world caves in

Holy shit what a weekend!

Ill spare you the details of my friday and sunday, but Saturday is when the magic really happened.

Saturday morning at 9:30 am i hopped in the geo metro (my brother in law gave me) and started to make my way down to Detroit to go visit my buddy Dennis (ex-Arizing). I was hung over as all hell and hadnt had a bite to eat since like 9 pm the night before. About an hour into the trip, all the geo's dash lights come on). and the engine shuts down. I was on 80 94 East in Hammond Indiana, it was raining, freezing cold, and on top of it construction forced the highway into 2 lanes with no shoulder. I was stuck in the right hand lane, and everyone in my lane seemed to floor it towards my car and yank into the next lane at the last minute. I was totally freaked out about getting hit, so I crawled out the passenger side, jumped the median, and ran across a lane of traffic to get to the construction site. I called Triple A and argued with them for a while about where i was. They seemed to be convinced i was in Skokie, when i was clearly in Hammond IN. After it got straightened out and the tow truck driver was on his way, one of the assholes trying to swerve around my car at the last minute caused a pile up. Traffic was now backed up for miles, and my tow truck driver was stuck in it. So 2 hours go by and im standing in the rain in an active construction site (complete with crains picking up and dropping shit like 20 feet away from me). I started to get really cold, so i ducked behind this sand dune for a few mins to hide from the wind, and when i emerged, the car was gone! It had been impounded by the Indiana State Police. I couldnt stop laughing cause it was just so ridiculous, and i always seem to wander into the most ridiculous string of events.

I waited another hour till the tow truck driver arrived and had to bribe him to steal the car back for me due to the fact that i never transferred the title to the car into my name. He agreed, we got the car back, and took it to autozone to try to fix it. It failed, and in the process i wound up turning on the parking brake on the car out of habit, causing us to drop the car off the lift and not noticing for like a block.

I left at 9:30am and arrived in chicago at 4:30pm. Im sure this woulda pissed people off if they were in my shoes, but i just thought it was funny as hell. I felt like Larry David for a day.

ps. i tore the stereo out of that piece of shit and abondoned it. FREE GEO bitches!
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